Reluctance and Respect

Recently I was emailing one of my professors and wanted to tell her what I was up to and where I landed after my four magnificent years of exceptional education.

And I thought to myself, what would she think of me now? I have a great job that I like and don't plan on leaving in 2009 anyway, but it's not at all what I set out to do when I first graced the studious halls and stages dripping with creativity. Theater, I said. That's it. That's all there is, that's what I love and want to do forever. People actually get paid to stand on a stage and pour out their heart?

So I guess I discovered that there is more than one "right way" to go. I found something else that I'm good at, and I'm putting it to the test. The magnetic bond between myself and my job is still building, not quite there yet as it was in theater, but I could see it taking off within a couple of years. If you're good at something and people notice, why shouldn't you pursue it, right?

I'm not going to say that I'm reluctant to say what I do, because that's not true. I'm proud of where I ended up. But sometimes I do wonder what would have happened if I had catapulted myself into NYC or LA and just tried to make it work. Scary, yes. Regrettable? Probably not. But I like it here. Even if I am playing it safe. Then again, maybe the risk is what makes things interesting. If I can find the risks in the day-to-day and continually take them and come out on top, that's just as rewarding. It's still a goal, still something to reach toward.

I don't think I will be winning any Tony awards soon but I will be winning my own respect, and that's more important than shiny gold statues on the mantel.